Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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