i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
