if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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