I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
