We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
