Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize