dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
