After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
