I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
