so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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