dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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