I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
A+ Viking dick
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
