you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
