can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
