That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
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Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
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2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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