Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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