i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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