I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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