I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
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Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
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He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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