Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Drunk is not a location!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
