it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
