My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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