Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
