Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
