You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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