Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
