i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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