Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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