You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
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So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
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I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?