well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She's allergic to latex.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.