I cockslap morals
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!