Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(808): View more from Hawaii

The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.

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(808): The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet. http://tfl.nu/mtia

Replies (12) Good night (1451) Bad night (723)
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(559): View more from California

my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.

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(559): my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment. http://tfl.nu/sp0b

Replies (20) Good night (3837) Bad night (887)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.

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(604): Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life. http://tfl.nu/tq60

Replies (15) Good night (1131) Bad night (3847)
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(207): View more from Maine

hows the new call of duty?

(1-207): View more from Maine

I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.

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(207): hows the new call of duty? (1-207): I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome. http://tfl.nu/zewm

Replies (78) Good night (5634) Bad night (1066)
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(269): View more from Michigan

So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.

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(269): So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing. http://tfl.nu/disx

Replies (22) Good night (2618) Bad night (6401)
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(903): View more from Texas

The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.

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(903): The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover. http://tfl.nu/9bmt

Replies (34) Good night (4370) Bad night (1063)
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(614): View more from Ohio

I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...

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(614): I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice... http://tfl.nu/gtdb

Replies (7) Good night (2934) Bad night (839)
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(516): View more from New York

Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system

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(516): Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system http://tfl.nu/i7jp

Replies (18) Good night (4944) Bad night (866)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?

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(+44): Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert? http://tfl.nu/uki8

Replies (4) Good night (2538) Bad night (981)
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(949): View more from California

'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear

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(949): 'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear http://tfl.nu/1b4e

Replies (5) Good night (1394) Bad night (887)
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(425): View more from Washington

You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.

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(425): You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia. http://tfl.nu/758u

Replies (7) Good night (1755) Bad night (469)
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(705): View more from Ontario

I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'

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(705): I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him' http://tfl.nu/4xts

Replies (2) Good night (563) Bad night (929)
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(727): View more from Florida

If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?

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(727): If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student? http://tfl.nu/6ss9

Replies (2) Good night (663) Bad night (285)
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(941): View more from Florida

Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?

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(941): Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"? http://tfl.nu/0496

Replies (7) Good night (656) Bad night (323)
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(831): View more from California

Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.

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(831): Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome. http://tfl.nu/od4k

Replies (3) Good night (557) Bad night (305)

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