Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize