I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
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if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
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I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.