woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.