Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
