Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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