I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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