I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
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She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
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I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.