My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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