you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
