I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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