My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
