The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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