we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
