I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
