I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize