New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my shit smells like andre
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
