im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
