Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
