hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize