Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
