So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
