Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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