is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
