You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
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the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
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there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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