Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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