The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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