I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
