porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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