He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
