Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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