For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
