can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
