The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
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